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#1 Edited by Darkchild (42425 posts) - - Show Bio

Small Packages

I can smell a mixture of blood and piss at my knees, even the burlap bag over my head gave of a horrible aroma. I tried keeping my retching back, holding my mothers hand I squeeze it tight with my tiny frail hands. I can hear two men arguing while others stood behind us.

"An you brought the little one why? One man asked, another pulled the small bit of hair hanging from the bag and pulled me close and then pushing me forward "You would rather me to leave her there so that she could identified me?" The other man groaned loud "If you did this like I told you and not get sloshed like a bloody fool, you wouldn't have had to worry about a child. We don't deal with children, I already know I am going to hell but I don't need to be in the same cage as pedophiles." He breathed deep and sighed before continuing, take her in the back and cut her tongue out. Then for good measure knock her teeth out, take the mother to room fifteen." The second man pries my hand away from my mothers and I hear her scream for a moment before she is silenced, I hear a gun slap her across the jaw.

They drag me far away and then they remove the bag, the man before me was sickly and disgusting his tongue almost hanging from his mouth "Come on sweet thing lets see that tongue of yours huh? Maybe I could put it to use before cutting it out." Even though I was eight I knew full well he intended so I clamped my mouth shut. He reached out quickly grabbing my jaw, I smile and spit in his face. He slaps me and I go limp, he drags me to a kneeling position. I take a deep breath feeling blood filling my mouth "I know I'm going to lose it soon, but least allow me to ask a question." He plays with the scissors in his hand and gestures for me to go on "What happens to the women when your done with them?' He smiles and kneels down to my eye level "When that sweet ass of a mother is all dried up, and if she survived the tortures that long we dump em. I could tell you everything, because I know that you wont be able to tell anyone anything soon." Grabbing my jaw he tries to pry my mouth open, but I just smile.

Lifting my body up quickly I kick him with everything I have, square in the balls I hear something pop as my foot hits. Dumb ass didn't tie my hands, so I grab the scissors and slam them in the bottom of his jaw. Smiling I whisper "When Daddy finds out, hes going to kill you all." With that I grab his phone and run out of the room, cutting the two guards outside the room at the ankles. I run as fast as I can, I know I wont be able to help mom at the moment, but soon I will have some help. Dialing I reach one of Daddy's guards "Get me Don, its Jasmine you idiot, NOW get me my father." The guard fumbles with the phone before handing it to my father "Daddy, they got mom, I'm on my way out, I have no idea where I am. Please Daddy help me!!"

Inside a High End Mansion

I hang up the phone and walk over to my china cabinet, removing a small plate I push a button. Hadn't opened this in sixteen years, last time it was a Mob War more in fact an International Mob War. I was twenty years old and my father gave me all of this before he died, I was the heir to the Guido family fortune. After the war there was a piece, and soon the streets will ring with gunfire...

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#2 Edited by Oscuro (1170 posts) - - Show Bio

keep it going

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#3 Posted by dngn4774 (5322 posts) - - Show Bio
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#4 Edited by 4donkeyjohnson (1916 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkchild: Nice, you had me from the opening sentence

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#6 Posted by Darkchild (42425 posts) - - Show Bio


That bastards stench still in my hair, he must of been jerking off earlier because I can still smell something aweful lingering around me. I almost retch then I finally do as the reality is setting in, Daddy had trained me just in case something like this ever happened. But I never knew it would really happen, the truce made it so that this would never directly happen. Everyone always joked that someone stupidly would break the truce on accident, and looks as if it really has happened just like that.

I make it to the back door and press against it, suddenly I am yanked back by my hair and swung by it. Slamming face first into the nearby wall I feel a few of my teeth crack or break. Blood immediately fills my mouth as I am swung again this time he lets go of my hair and I am tossed out through the doors. A group of men watch me fly through the air in disbelief, as my eyes stop vibrating and my head does the same I see who had just tossed me like a f%cking doll.

The bastard from earlier, I learned later his name was Clemp he yanks the scissors from his chin and tosses them over me. Trying to make sense he just screams a garbled mess. Finally he holds his the hole in his lower jaw, pulling a hankerchief from his pocket he wraps his head in it. "Looks like an idiot" I think to myself, trying to make myself believe I wasnt afraid. He walks down and stand over me, picking me up he spits blood in my face "You ukin ore, M gunna ke ou mi lthy toy." He then proceeds to pumble me into the ground, slamming my face into the dirt over and over again before dropping me into the dirt. He walks away telling the thugs to leave me, that he's going to get some toys. They stare at me in awe, I try to stand but all I can do is sit up against a barrel filled with wood. One of them walks over to me and his eyes widen "Holy f&cking shit guys, this is Jasmine. Guido's little girl.....we cannot be apart of this. I am out of here, what Clemp does is his own doing. F*ck this I am out." Finally a smart idiot, he walks away and I hear a car door slam and he is gone. The others walk up and smile "I think I am going to watch, wanna see if Clemps really as twisted as they say he is.

Those words give me another jolt of life, and my body trembles in both fear and anger. The one who just spoke knelt down and smiled wiping a bloodied tear from my eye "Wee little tings crying." They all laugh, but only for a moment as I grab a piece of wood next to me and jam it hard into his eye. Grabbing his gun from its holster I pull the trigger, first time I ever shot one outside of the house. The gun shots echo and in an instant four men are on the ground dead. I slowly stand up focusing on simply standing, as I finally get to my feet and look up I see Clemp at the door. His eyes widened and he turns to run dropping his "toys" and I lift the gun and pull the trigger the bullet hits the back of his head, and his face explodes. Falling with a thud I smile and begin to cackle like an old witch.

Relaxing for a moment I look into the wood pile and then get an idea. I know where I am, at Vincent Guiseppe's estate and I am at the back of his house. A large and long dead forest stands in front of me, I take a lighter from one of the dead thugs and light the barrel. With all of my power I push it hard, it falls then rolls down the small hill. Embers roll out and catch fire to the dead brush and soon the forest begins to burn...now Dad can find me.....God help us...because when he finds this place and us hes going to start another war....

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#7 Edited by Amaranth (8235 posts) - - Show Bio

Interesting :-)

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#8 Edited by Mintaya_Olair (129 posts) - - Show Bio

@darkchild: Pretty good, graphic without going over board giving that perfect kind of blend. Dealing with children gone killer being a some what touchy and tough subject.

However on the constructive criticism side wouldn't hurt to give it a little more bite. Its told in first person which means it should try and relive the scene. If you were writing about an injury you had you wouldnt just write "he hit me and it hurt" you would likely talk more about you could feel the ache in teeth and gums and could swear one of the loose teeth was rattling back and forth waiting to be spat out.

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#9 Edited by Darkchild (42425 posts) - - Show Bio

thanks will be more detailed appreciate it

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#10 Posted by Pyrogram (45457 posts) - - Show Bio

I like! Good job! :)

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#11 Posted by TheDrifter (24811 posts) - - Show Bio

Love it