Crank: 87 #6

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ImpurestCheese

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ShOT placed the last of the explicit porn mags on the pile, before dousing it with a bottle of paraffin, he and Doctor Lay had looted from the science laboratory.

"You're sick old man." ShOT sneered, as he shook his head in disgust at the picture of a dolphin posing for some lewd photos on the cover. "I'm all for diversity, but give me Stunning Girl over Agent Bottlenose any day."

"You bite your tongue, the Agent has one of the most intuitive minds on the planet and is a powerful mage to boot." Doctor Lay replied, as ShOT unholstered his pistols and slipped the safeties off. "Now you remember what I said about the force we're summoning."

"Yeah, yeah, floating quantum physics monster or something." ShOT sighed as he shot the pile of porn mags, the incendiary round starting the blaze in seconds. "Okay so get chanting or something."

"You're a stupid boy, those were worth a lot of money." Doctor Lay spat, as he pushed a set of number fridge magnets off the chair into the summoning circle licked onto the floor.

"Not stained like they were." ShOT whined before shuddering slightly as the magazines were incinerated into cinders. Holstering his weapons he removed a fire extinguisher from the corner of the room and put out the blaze. Seconds after the fire went out a deep purple glow emitted from the magnets before they levitated into the air and formed into a swirling storm of plastic.

"Bugger its not meant to do that." Doctor Lay gasped as a glowing humanoid figure appeared within the swirling vortex.

"Any ideas?" ShOT asked, only to be replied by the sound of lay dragging himself to the door with his tongue. "You bugger! You set me up!" He snapped, before the energy stored in the room exploded sending the magnetic numbers flying like shrapnel across the room, the bombardment of unusual projectiles knocking ShOT unconscious.

**

Alyson awoke with a shudder as an explosion sounded from the science laboratory. Rubbing her eyes she felt a knife press against her throat, a hand against her mouth preventing her from yelling a warning to her teammates.

"Relax Chemical Aly." The mocking voice of Caracara ordered. "My concern is with Gallowglass and the charlatan he works so hard to protect." He added, as he scratched his knife against her skin, a single drop of blood soaking the bone blade he wielded. "Remind him I am still out here, still waiting in the shadows ready to strike, that he is marked for death."

"Tell him yourself!” Alyson snapped only to see that her attacker was gone. Getting to her feet, she heard the door open, and levelled her wrist sprayers at the approaching figure only to breathe a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Gallowglass.

"You look like you just saw a ghost." Gallowglass commented as he leaned against the door.

"Maybe, Caracara is inside the sanctuary bubble with us, told me to remind you that you're marked for death." Aly told him, as she looked past Gallowglass and the purple sparks shooting out of the science building. "Uh that's..."

"I know, as a chemist I'd hope you'd know what was going on." Gallowglass replied as the pair of them headed for the building.

"I'd say it's magic," Alyson told him. "Where's Mobani, I believe this is her area of expertise."

"Beat's me." Gallowglass replied as they ran past the canteen, a Kitsune glowering them from within a skip, its yellow eyes following them. Silently it crawled out of the dumpster and followed them, nose to the ground as it sniffed out the source of the Sanctum spell keeping its Mistress off campus.

**

Ovo Mobani pulled a rag over her face as the smoke from inside the chemistry lab seeped out through the hole where the door had once stood. Joining her, Gallowglass and Alyson watched as ShOT stumbled out of the room, Lay's head in one hand and a woman dressed in a gold corset and leather britches with a gas mask connected to a mounted canister on her back, on the other.

"Who is she?" Alyson asked, as the woman reached up and flicked a tentacle connected to her scalp over her shoulder. "Or maybe what is she?"

"Helena Cthulhu Lovecraft at yer service sir." The woman replied in a Boston accent, before cocking her head to one side. "This one feels like a joke though, a Shootist, a Hatchet Man, a Charlatan and a Chemical Weapons Factory walk into a bar."

"Yes, well we didn't mean to summon you Miss Helena, we were hoping to contact an entity who knows where Surtur is based." Doctor Lay stated, as ShOT decoupled from Helena. "I don't suppose a dweller of the Lovecraftian dimension would have any knowledge of that."

"Well I heard from me grandad from this side of the dimensions that Surt's hell is in the Valley of Yellow Stones." Helena told him, as she removed a small canister from her belt, opened the top and removed a compass with an eye in place of the usual needle.

"Yellowstone National Park!" Alyson exclaimed, as she placed her hand on her head. "What better place to spread fires then the caldera of a super volcano?"

"Did you get that General?" Gallowglass asked, as he walked over to ShOT, a nasty looking burn covering his left arm.

"I heard, you've done your job, or at least the first part." The General snorted over the radio link. "Your next task is to neutralise Surtur's control over the Cult of the Wicked Fire, or at the very least find a weakness we can exploit, maybe even use to get them to the negotiating table."

"What about Caracara?" Gallowglass asked as he watched Helena shake her compass vigorously, before putting it back in its case.

"Forget him, that's an order." The General hissed. "Unless of course he obstructs your progression towards mission completion."

"Speaking of mission complete, here's one be-spelled axe, you should now be able to harm magical creatures and rip open mystical barriers." Mobani announced as she handed Gallowglass back his axe. "It might pay for you to test it on this 'Cthulhu' woman, her kind are slippery by nature, not to mention emissaries of pure evil."

"That's not nice." Helena chirped, as she folded her arms together. "Just because Cthulhu is the equivalent of Smith or Brown in this dimension, it doesn't give you the right to say things like that."

"What about Doctor Lay and his aura vision?" ShOT asked cautiously as he placed the aforementioned head on the floor next to him. "Maybe he can help clear the water?"

"A sensible suggestion, one that surprises me." Doctor Lay replied, as he peered at Helena. "I'm afraid auras behave differently in regards to interdimensional beings. As a rule Lovecraftian dwellers are like normal people, neither good nor evil, but since their world is rooted to our own I doubt she has any reason to see Earth burn."

"Fire bad." Helena mocked. "Oh and if I'm joining your team call me by me title; Lady Lovecraft." She added, "I always wanted to team up with the Panopticons ever since they arrested the Monster Master for enslaving my people."

"Pure evil huh?" Alyson sneakily hissed as she shot a glance at Mobani. "Listen Lady Lovecraft, we're not the Panopticons, we're not even heroes."

"That may change soon, their equivalents in my world were taken out by Brigadier Buzzard and his cronies." Helena replied. "Grandfather mentioned something like that is bound to happen here soon, since his visions usually come true."

"They face that prospect every day." Gallowglass sighed. "As does anyone who puts a costume on." He added, as a torrent of burning chattering skulls smashed through the window and exploded, the blast scattering the assorted villains. As they fell, a Kitsune leapt inside and grabbed Doctor Lay's head with its jaws, fire incinerating the skull. With a roar Gallowglass got to his feet and slammed his axe down into the creature's neck, its body disintegrating almost immediately until nothing remained of it save for a burning tooth embedded in its victims skull.

"The Sanctum Spell!" Mobani gasped. "It'd be tied to Lay's life force." She added, as the sky rippled and then shattered to reveal a backdrop of burning buildings.

"Looks like that axe works." ShOT commented, as waves of burning Yakuza thugs and Kitsune crashed through the gates, led by a man in burning samurai armour and a woman wearing a fox mask and a white kimono. "Good thing too, because we've got company, and they don't look happy to see us."

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batkevin74

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Seems you and I have to write the tale of the Monster Master :)

Dolphin porn...yuck

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ImpurestCheese

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batkevin74

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Bumped