The Joker vs. YOU

I think my wrestling and MMA training are enough to get me the win until mutated Joker. There I have no chance.

Using the range I'm given with a baseball bat, I think that's also a big advantage.

I'm screwed for all of these. The first one I might be able to beat, but any of the other ones I'd kill my self before I'd let him get his hands on me.

to round 5 probably

I have a question. How big is the joker. Height, weight ect.

@jobiwankenobi said:

I'm screwed for all of these. The first one I might be able to beat, but any of the other ones I'd kill my self before I'd let him get his hands on me.

Lawl. Maybe not a bad idea. That'll be tough to do with just a baseball bat though.

@CBninja said:

I have a question. How big is the joker. Height, weight ect.

• Gender: Male
• Height: 6'0" - 6'4" (depending on writer)
• Weight: 160 lbs (73 kg)
• Hair: Green
• Eyes: Green

Got this on the Comic Vine Wiki. So it must be true, right?

I stop at round four. Round 5 is easy for me since I've played Crash Bandicoot and know all of Tiny's patterns.

I stop at three.

I will seduce the Joker and then kill him when he lets down his guard.

@CBninja said:

I have a question. How big is the joker. Height, weight ect.

He's like a starved cancer patient in build. But makes up for it with freakish height, the best stories I've read really play that up as a creepy aspect of him. My PERSONAL view is that he's taller than Scarecrow, but I don't know the official numbers.

His height would be a big factor. Most prison cells are 6'x8' on average. So you might be able to swing a bat. An asp would be a much better weapon in this scenerio. Thing is how trained are you. I have over ten years of martial arts training with state champion ships in fighting to back them up. I'm 6' and 190lbs, I work out regularly. But does that mean I can take a physco I really don't know. Like I said earlier I "think" being the keen word I can get to five. But if he is 6'4" that's going to be a ton of reach on his side. Plus the knife means getting in close is also dangerous. Is it safe to assume we are aware of each other? Like he is on one side of the cell and I'm on the other. Cause if I can get him to just h2h I think the odds are much better. Cause lets be honest he's just "killer" with a knife lol.

@NyghtMare said:

I clear it, depending on the last Joker.

The amped Joker from Arkham Asylum was an idiot and kept turning his back. If he did it in that fight, I'd hit him in the nuts and when he doubled over, I'd go to town on his face. If last Joker is actually fighting and not fooling around, then nobody is getting past him.

You are way overrating yourself.

I don't see how anyone could get past round 5. It's too much of a mismatch and I'm extremely confident in my hand2hand. Can the OP be changed to allow for a more fair match up in 5? Maybe a sword instead of a bat or stun baton??

I could easily take 1 and 2. I may take round 3. If I make it past round 3, I loose miserably at round 5.

Negative Perspective: Stop at 1.

Realistic Perspective: Stop at 1........I always go with the negative perspective as the realistic one.

Theoretical perspective: Win all rounds...

...How? "Sensitive Area" + Baseball Bat

A baseball bat can cripple with simply a couple of hits, or just one that is very focused......Imagine that with that "sensitive" area.

Since it will be a cell, the Joker's knife will be an advantage....But it can be easily overcome.

For the super-sane Joker, do a dolphin dive with the baseball bat.......That is beyond sanity.

Use your fear to do a crazy attack, but make sure to go down at the last moment.

Use the walls for added damage. Use the small area of the cell......

1. First Joker: Kill him with one hit to the face. A couple more if necessary.
2. Second Joker: He will attempt to use his flexibility and agility, make sure his efforts are directed towards a wall. When he hits one, bang his head from the back. Instant kill.
3. Third Joker: Hit his arms as hard as you can with the bat. You are bound to break his arm. Hit his face with your elbow and pick up the knife. If the eyes are hit by your elbows, you have a couple of seconds to start attacking again. Use your two weapons; this joker will be dead in a few.....
4. Fourth Joker: Dolphin dive that fool! Use your fear by directing it to crazy bull-like attacks. Make sure he is laying on the wall after the dive, then kick his face with your knees and crack his skull with the baseball.
5. Fifth Joker: Smaller size help in this case. Sliding and diving are essential to winning. He will most definitely drop his knife for a charged attack. His size will be against him in the cell. Grab his knife and puncture his kidneys and liver. Use the baseball to hit his "sensitive" area and keep him busy and angry for a couple of seconds. Jump on him and blind him with the knife. Cut his throat and bang his head on whatever is near, preferably the wall. He will try to move with all of his power, making the cell an even better weapon. Keep on pressing and hitting; he will die.

As long as you do not flinch and able of short bursts of speed and good; you should be set to kill and succeed.

There are also other options that people have imagined using and has helped them set a limit. Combine those and mine to get the best results.

I have a hard time believing anyone's martial rap sheet over the internet. We're all internet tough guys to be sure. Short of someone able to actually prove their credentials, I call hogwash. Black belts are a dime a dozen in any event. That, and unless you've been in a fight to the death, you're talking out your arse.

And why is it so hard for folks to realize that if your fight starts in a prison cell, you will have zero time, zero space to swing your freaken bat. You will be dead trying. The knife is a ten times better weapon to have in such a scenario.

@Franchise1590 said:

I just don't think the pencil trick is enough prove the fighting prowess of Heath Ledger Joker. I mean it's cool but that didn't know how dangerous the Joker was and underestimated him.

It doesn't have to beat out Bruce Lee on the big screen, it only has to be more impressive than anything you've ever done. Of which the odds are pretty flipping fantastic. Unless you can prove you're SAS or Seal or some kind of martial champion from down under with a few kills under your belt.

No? Alrighty then.

@TheCannon said:

I could easily take 1 and 2. I may take round 3. If I make it past round 3, I loose miserably at round 5.

Round 4 is for pussys.

@Super_SoldierXII said:

I have a hard time believing anyone's martial rap sheet over the internet. We're all internet tough guys to be sure. Short of someone able to actually prove their credentials, I call hogwash. Black belts are a dime a dozen in any event. That, and unless you've been in a fight to the death, you're talking out your arse.

And why is it so hard for folks to realize that if your fight starts in a prison cell, you will have zero time, zero space to swing your freaken bat. You will be dead trying. The knife is a ten times better weapon to have in such a scenario.

@Franchise1590 said:

I just don't think the pencil trick is enough prove the fighting prowess of Heath Ledger Joker. I mean it's cool but that didn't know how dangerous the Joker was and underestimated him.

It doesn't have to beat out Bruce Lee on the big screen, it only has to be more impressive than anything you've ever done. Of which the odds are pretty flipping fantastic. Unless you can prove you're SAS or Seal or some kind of martial champion from down under with a few kills under your belt.

No? Alrighty then.

You are way too aggressive for something that doesn't matter. I don't have to prove anything, I make it to round 4 imo.

I don't have to swing the bat at all really, I planned on using it sideways to attack faster.

You are really taking the fun out of a non serious thread. "Are you SAS? No? Then STFU!" That's how you sound.

You should take that fire to a real battle thread.

I'm screwed at round 3

Stop at 4.

I'm actually a MMA fight. Welterweight. I stop at 5. First three I don't even need the bat. I am a pretty honorable fighter but against the Joker, I have no problem with nut shots, eye gouges, or even biting. Slap on a guillotine which is basically being choked out while someone is trying to pull your head off, I kill the first three pretty quickly.

I get past round 1 and 2 by telling this joke:

Question: "What do you call Batman without Robin?"

Answer: "A Virgin!"

They rofl and then I cave in their skulls with with the bat.

Round 3: Harder but not impossible. I take choke up on the bat and let him come at me then use the bat to damage his elbows and kneecaps. Then I cave in his skull too.

Round 4: No damn way I'm getting past that beat but I'm sure to give him a beating and possibly mortally wound that bastich!

@Oni_Bane said:

I'm actually a MMA fight. Welterweight. I stop at 5. First three I don't even need the bat. I am a pretty honorable fighter but against the Joker, I have no problem with nut shots, eye gouges, or even biting. Slap on a guillotine which is basically being choked out while someone is trying to pull your head off, I kill the first three pretty quickly.

The fact you feel you can slap on a guillotine against a guy with a knife has me wondering which MMA club you're affiliated with, which organization you compete in, because grappling with a dude wielding a blade, and a combat trained psychopath no less, might not make your camp proud.

@Franchise1590:

You are way too aggressive for something that doesn't matter. I don't have to prove anything, I make it to round 4 imo.

I don't have to swing the bat at all really, I planned on using it sideways to attack faster.

You are really taking the fun out of a non serious thread. "Are you SAS? No? Then STFU!" That's how you sound.

You should take that fire to a real battle thread.

You replied to me first dude. I had no bones to make with you or what you want to post or how. Nor did I make any until you hit reply to my opinion. I have every right, as do others herein, to state what I think about how unrealistic some responses are, and full of crap people can be in general with regards their own so-called combat 'prowess'. And that's just what I did - not naming any names or criticizing any posters in particular.

And really, f it doesn't matter, why are you getting all whinny about it in your response? So you make it to 4 in your opinion. Good for you. Those internet warriors that feel they can tango with the Joker, without real, concrete training, are silly in my opinion. There, we both stated our opinion. That is all.

You get butt hurt a little too easily. If my 'aggressiveness' offends, my advice would be to grow thicker skin before you dream of surviving a knife fight in a closed environment with a psychopathic super-villain.

@TheTmac said:

No one on the vine is making it past round 4.

@Dracade102 said:

Even if anybody possibly could get passed him, how would Joker even fit in his own cell in round 5?

Lool you made my day with that.. well, night, since I going to sleep now, but you get what I mean..

If I'm ready to kill, upto 4.

Otherwise, round 1 does it for me. (Give me a rage potion Graahhhh)

I make it past the Caesar Romero (without PIS/ toonforce) and Heath Ledger incarnations of Joker with minimal to moderate difficulty.

Being someone who possesses strength, speed, pain tolerance, and size at least a few deviations above the normal human male. If statisics are correct, I'm around 2 1/2 deviations above the average human male in most physical categories.

The shank complicates matters a little, but I've been student and practicioner in Krav Maga for the past 3 years, and am sufficiently confident in my ability to disarm weapon wielding opponents. That, combined with my obvious strength, size, and reaction speed advantage when compared to Romero and Ledger's Joker (neither were what you would call extremely physical in combat). I would eschew the bat in favor of my unarmed training, as a bat would be difficult to wield in such close quarters. I would disarm my attacker, and then use his own weapon against him in a short, bloody, and brutal conflict.

I have no illusions about what would happen to me if I squared off against a comic/ toon Joker. I would get carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey, regardless of knowledge or physical prowess. Comic Joker has displayed feats far above and beyond what most humans can accomplish. And although I am proficient in Krav Maga, I do not think I could take on multiple Arkham Guards or police officers in a confrontation simultaneously, armed or otherwise.

I get one shotted by Venom Joker. Unless I get a weapon that deals sufficient enough damage to take Joker out before he can grab me. An RPG or other weapon (SPAS 12 with special, explosive rounds might work) might be sufficient.

I think I'd make it up to maybe round 3, I'm not familiar with the round 4 Joker's skill. No one would ever get past round 5 in a realistic scenario.

Stop at maybe 3, definitely 4.

I stalemate Caesar Romero, because my BAM!ZOINK!KA-BLAM!-fu is strong.

I die miserably against the others.

I'm a pretty big guy but not a very potent fighter, but if I am healed after the fight I could afford to take a few cuts from the shank, so what would happen is us running towards eachother, he guts me and I smack him in the head, I am bleeding but he is knocked out cold, I am in pain and bleeding out but still conscious, I smack him in the head a few times to kill him, this would probably be the outcome for the first 4 fights, not sure what the bat will do to the 5th one.

The Joker wins.

@GodOfMischief said:

I think I'd make it up to maybe round 3, I'm not familiar with the round 4 Joker's skill. No one would ever get past round 5 in a realistic scenario.

Round 4 is the modern Joker in the comics

@Reignmaker: O right thanks for clearing that up, I doubt I'd get past him to be honest.

@ImmortalOne: My post was sarcasm, Einstein. Clearly nobody is making it past the last Joker. But don't pretend to know me, when you don't have the slightest clue what I'm, or anyone else is for that matter, is capable of.

I'd make it to round 3 probably.

I'm THE TERMINATOR, I would pick up a semi truck and throw it at Joker.

I would stomp all rounds.

Probably 2, maybe 1, im not much of a fighter, and I don't have the killer instinct, a lot is to be said for that. I won't do what the joker would.

@Super_SoldierXII said:

@Oni_Bane said:

I'm actually a MMA fight. Welterweight. I stop at 5. First three I don't even need the bat. I am a pretty honorable fighter but against the Joker, I have no problem with nut shots, eye gouges, or even biting. Slap on a guillotine which is basically being choked out while someone is trying to pull your head off, I kill the first three pretty quickly.

The fact you feel you can slap on a guillotine against a guy with a knife has me wondering which MMA club you're affiliated with, which organization you compete in, because grappling with a dude wielding a blade, and a combat trained psychopath no less, might not make your camp proud.

@Franchise1590:

You are way too aggressive for something that doesn't matter. I don't have to prove anything, I make it to round 4 imo.

I don't have to swing the bat at all really, I planned on using it sideways to attack faster.

You are really taking the fun out of a non serious thread. "Are you SAS? No? Then STFU!" That's how you sound.

You should take that fire to a real battle thread.

You replied to me first dude. I had no bones to make with you or what you want to post or how. Nor did I make any until you hit reply to my opinion. I have every right, as do others herein, to state what I think about how unrealistic some responses are, and full of crap people can be in general with regards their own so-called combat 'prowess'. And that's just what I did - not naming any names or criticizing any posters in particular.

And really, f it doesn't matter, why are you getting all whinny about it in your response? So you make it to 4 in your opinion. Good for you. Those internet warriors that feel they can tango with the Joker, without real, concrete training, are silly in my opinion. There, we both stated our opinion. That is all.

You get butt hurt a little too easily. If my 'aggressiveness' offends, my advice would be to grow thicker skin before you dream of surviving a knife fight in a closed environment with a psychopathic super-villain.

I can slap a guillotine on you, show you how proud my gym is of me.

@NyghtMare said:

@ImmortalOne: My post was sarcasm, Einstein. Clearly nobody is making it past the last Joker. But don't pretend to know me, when you don't have the slightest clue what I'm, or anyone else is for that matter, is capable of.

Well excuuuuuuse me. It's not like I can tell from your tone of voice. I made a mistake, there's no reason to be such a d!ck about it. But I know no one is getting past round 5, so I'm not "pretending to know anybody." I'm stating the obvious.

@ImmortalOne said:

@NyghtMare said:

@ImmortalOne: My post was sarcasm, Einstein. Clearly nobody is making it past the last Joker. But don't pretend to know me, when you don't have the slightest clue what I'm, or anyone else is for that matter, is capable of.

Well excuuuuuuse me. It's not like I can tell from your tone of voice. I made a mistake, there's no reason to be such a d!ck about it. But I know no one is getting past round 5, so I'm not "pretending to know anybody." I'm stating the obvious.

You're the one being a dick about it, not me. And for all you know, there could be a Navy Seal Com 6 on the Vine who would be resourceful enough to get Joker to electrocute himself or something, or snap the bat in half and jam it up through his head when Joker lunges. Unlikely, yes, but possible.

@NyghtMare said:

@ImmortalOne said:

@NyghtMare said:

@ImmortalOne: My post was sarcasm, Einstein. Clearly nobody is making it past the last Joker. But don't pretend to know me, when you don't have the slightest clue what I'm, or anyone else is for that matter, is capable of.

Well excuuuuuuse me. It's not like I can tell from your tone of voice. I made a mistake, there's no reason to be such a d!ck about it. But I know no one is getting past round 5, so I'm not "pretending to know anybody." I'm stating the obvious.

You're the one being a dick about it, not me. And for all you know, there could be a Navy Seal Com 6 on the Vine who would be resourceful enough to get Joker to electrocute himself or something, or snap the bat in half and jam it up through his head when Joker lunges. Unlikely, yes, but possible.

How exactly am I being a d!ck? You're the one who is insulting me with your "My post was sarcasm, Einstein" post.

@ImmortalOne: Because you said I was overrating myself when you know nothing about me. Dick move.

@NyghtMare said:

@ImmortalOne: Because you said I was overrating myself when you know nothing about me. Dick move.

Okay, let's be honest. How many people would defeat a titan who was able to survive electrocution and explosive gel, along with having a degree of super strength, with a baseball bat?

And you're new here, judging by your posts, but we're only allowed to censor swears here. It's a rule.

And me saying you're overrating yourself is less offensive than you openly insulting my intelligence.

@ImmortalOne: I can't really answer that, I don't know every single person in the world. But Bruce Wayne in Arkham Asylum is an olympic level athlete, that Joker is prone to idiocy, and Joker is restricted in the currect setting. I'm sure somebody can pull it off.

No, I'm not new here. This is just a second account for shiggles, and if you don't like my language, don't read my posts.

And I disagree, your judgement of somebody you know nothing about is much more offensive than the gentle barb of "Einstein".

@Oni_Bane:

I can slap a guillotine on you, show you how proud my gym is of me.

Easiest thing in the world to act tough over the internet. Twelve year olds do that too. Adolescent boys and girls also, many who wouldn't know which end of the bed to piss on faced with any real danger. Only the real dumb ones actually believe their own blather.

So you go on believing you can slap a guillotine choke on anyone and everyone till the cows come home there champ. Puffing your chest and threatening to do so to others online (of all places), people you know nothing about, is another habit that is sure to make your dojo proud.

Round 2 Joker is the most dangerous; he has access to cartoon hammerspace. He'll start with a shank and end up with some giant siccsors when I blink.

It is entirely possible to kill any of the film Jokers with one lucky swing to the head. So I might win rounds 1 or 3. I never saw any episodes of Brave and the Bold with Joker in them, but earlier someone said that version defeated Wonder Woman H2H so he curb stomps me. My only hope against comicbook Joker would be to play possum and then try to surprise him when he checks if I am dead. Round 5 is by far the easiest since he is a video game character I can just shatter his health bar with my baseball bat.

So I probably lose all but round 5.

stomps Ronald McDonald in round 1 with the greatest of ease. joker doesnt have much h2h skills and baseball bat provides more range than a knief. so should be able to get past round 4. not going past round 5