Ankh Morpork

Geography

Ankh Morpork was established around 2,500 years before dating began. It is situated on the river Ankh ("The only river in the world you can draw a chalk outline on") and is roughly halfway between the rim and the hub. It is situated directly between the Sto Plains and the Circle Sea, giving it an excellent trading position. The river Ankh splits the city in half, Ankh and Morpork. Ankh is the posh part and Morpork is the poor part. Residents often claim that it reduces the risk of barbarian invaders, because they'd need some men ploughing with a shovel in front of the ships. The central part of the city (about 1.6 km across) is still surrounded by the original walls, although many suburbs and farms lie outside the walls.

History

One rumour as to the origins of Ankh Morpork is that many centuries ago the Disc flooded, and two of each creature were brought onboard. After 40 days and 40 nights when the storm finished, all the accumilated dung was thrown in a piple and named 'Ankh Morpork'. At one time the city had a large empire, covering half the world including neighbouring Klatch. The empire was ruled over by the greatest leader of all time, General Tacticus. After refusing to accept that his empire was growing too large, he was selected to be the King of Genua. Once there, he decided the biggest threat to Genua was the Ankh Morpork empire and swiftly declared war on and defeated it. Ever since the last King of Ankh was executed by 'Old Stoneface' Vimes (ancestor of the current leader of the Watch) the city has been ruled by Partricians. Although several Patricians were murdered by their second in command the current patrician, Lord Vetinari, has survived by making himself more useful to everyone alive than he would be dead (regardless, the assassains guild's price tag on him is AM$1,000,000).

Guilds

The city is ruled over by guilds as well as the recently reformed Ankh Morpork City Watch. Stealing is perfectly acceptable as long as the thief is a member of the thieves guild (although citizens can protect themselves by paying a ceirtan amount of money to the guild each month). Non guild members who are caught stealing are dealt with personally by the guild. There is also an assassains guild who do not murder people, but are a very respectable occupation requiring a lot of training. They would only 'remove' someone if it was for something honourable (i.e. money). There is also a Seamstress' Guild (who's female members do something quite different) and a lawyer's guild to name a few. The two main guilds, the Thieves and Assassains are lead by Mr Boggis and Lord Downey respectfully.

Locations

The Mended Drum Originally a brawling tavern (whilst it was called The Broken Drum) the tavern has turned around ever since the fire and attempted insurance fraud.

Pseudopolois Yard Headquarters of The Watch

The Shades The poorest part of Morpork

The Unseen University Headed by Minstrum Ridcully, this magical epicenter of the Discworld includes the library headed by an Ape (but don't call him a monkey) and the 800 foot Tower of Art.

Trivia

Insurance was once attempted in Ankh Morpork, but it caused more trouble than it solved as everyone burnt their houses down.

The Unseen University is technically under a law of it's own. Although Vetinari could technically summon their Archancellor and have him executed, the Archancellor could turn Vetinari into a frog.

Currency is the Ankh Morpork Dollar (AM$)

Language is Morporkian (i.e. English)

Area of roughly 130 square km including the outskirts

Population of roughly 1,000,000

Ankh Morpork also has an official anthem:

"When dragons belch and hippos flee

My thoughts, Ankh-Morpork, are of thee

Let others boast of martial dash

For we have boldly fought with cash

We own all your helmets, we own all your shoes

We own all your generals - touch us and you'll lose.

Morporkia! Morporkia!

Morporkia owns the day!

We can rule you wholesale

Touch us and you'll pay.

We bankrupt all invaders, we sell them souvenirs

We ner ner ner ner ner, hner ner hner by the ears

Er hner we ner ner ner ner ner

Ner ner her ner ner ner hner the ner

Er ner ner hner ner, nher hner ner ner (etc.)

Ner hner ner, your gleaming swords

We mortgaged to the hilt

Morporkia! Morporkia!

Hner ner ner ner ner ner

We can rule you wholesale

Credit where it's due."