the_angry_comic_book_critic's Alien Resurrection review

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They Shouldn't have resurrected it

By The Angry Comic Book Critic  
         This is my least favorite film in the Alien Saga mainly because it was just a way for Hollywood to cash in on a legendary franchise and really had no reason to exist. I mean Ripley dies in Alien 3 that film ended it. It wrapped the whole series up in a nice little bow with no happy ending. I loved that for once the hero died doing what they did best vanquishing evil but with this they had the balls to Clone Ripley and had in turn the Alien queen that was inside her at the end of Alien 3 but how the fuck does that even work they're two seperate organisms they don't share the same DNA so how the hell could an Alien have been created as well? How god how?! 
            Well I've asked a special guest host to help explain it Mr. Charles Darwin "Good Evening critic" Hey Darwin how was the time travel? "I'd rather not say but fair warning don't use the bathroom for the next 3 days." okay so apparently time travel cause violent diarrhea "Oh heaven no that was a bi-product of the week old taco bell I found in your fridge." can you explain how this scene works "Okay let's see what we've got...What the fuck" that was just retarded!" Couldn't have said it better myself. What else can I say about dick sucker of a film? Oh yeah the attempted comic relief of this film is sheer bullshit here's an example "You and the company are all gonna die." "Oh Weyland Yutani they were bought out by Walmart a century ago.".....WAH WAAAAH WAAAAAH!!! My god that was bullshit! Now this film does have some positive aspects to it it had three really good actors in it Sigorney Weaver, That guy who plays Hellboy and Winona Ryder. As well as some pretty great effects that surpassed the original films but still that cannot and will not save this sinking ship I mean it's like using a cherry bomb to bring down a mountain.What else bothers me the boarder line lesbian relationship between Ripley and Call I mean I am very pro-lesbians but with these two it was just fucking creepy. Now one thing in this that surprised the shit out of me was Ripley's "Son" I guess you could call it it was probably the most fucked up monstrosity I've ever seen and it scared the hell out of me when I was a kid.So I guess can throw it in the win colum. 
            I'm The Angry Comic Book Critic and this gets the Stamp of Approval.
Alien Resurection

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